I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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