VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
