dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize