There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
