my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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