I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
