What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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