I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
