just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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