New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Alive.
So much puke
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
