Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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