Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
