he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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