he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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