Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
