Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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