I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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