I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
