dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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