You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
