um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
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Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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