We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering