Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow