My sheets look like a crime scene.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
