his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you