margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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