i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am naked and annoyed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
