Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
