last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
