White coat. Heels.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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