So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
