How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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