never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize