I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
