the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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