you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
