In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
