Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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