...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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