I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
