R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
