Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
