I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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