You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
