remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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