he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
