Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
