The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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