You really coming over, don't trick.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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