I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
