I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
