I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
