he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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