She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i out mim tonsoeep
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
