Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
