Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
