Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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