Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
