I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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