i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
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is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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