This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
