seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
