Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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