I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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