There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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