Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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